RULES FOR WORK
- Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and the bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing
- If it’s really a rush job. Run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps or even better hover behind me advising me at every keystroke
- Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going, it gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are
- If my arms are full of paper, boxes, books, or supplier, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as paraplegic and open the door with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use my limbs
- If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic
- Do you best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work
- If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion
- If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations, I was born to be whipped
- If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down, in fact, save then until the job is almost done no use confusing me with useful information
- Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain. I am plankton when you refer to them later my shrewd deduction will identify them
- Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell
- Tell me all your life problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager
- Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal’s SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway
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